Energy

A foreword:
This post and more to come that are under the “Jourg” category (my invented word for journal/blog) will be different than my past posts.
I’m not intending for many people to read it as it’s mostly self-centered.   One of the reasons I’m posting publicly anyway: maybe there’s a person reading that this connects with.  Maybe, somehow, a jourg post could reach someone at the right time and it’s exactly what they need to read.
Additionally, I’m using this as room to practice authenticity in writing, perhaps also to sharpen my skills – please feel absolutely free to provide any feedback.  Advice and personal stories are always welcome – trolls are not.
Without further torment, thank you for reading.

I’ve really been trying to trust my vibes lately.
It’s challenging though: It’s challenging to be silently still and let the universe come to me.  To do so means stopping podcasts and audiobooks and music.  Not that I thought that this was going to be easy — seems the simpler something is, the more difficult we all make it.
As I discovered this morning, being silent to allow inspiration means to stop trying to force it – stop thinking thoughts about thoughts.
Apparently, I think a lot. Not necessarily deep, but almost constant.  I’m actually looking forward to slowing down and putting a stop to all the meaningless and sometimes materialistic and negative thoughts.  No wonder I’ve been struggling to be positive lately – so many of my thoughts are competitive, a little cynical and … just not focused around good, positive vibes.  A much lower vibrational level, my thoughts have been centered on lol.
And there are so many distractions!  So many easy rabbit holes to follow that lead straight back to what I’m trying to avoid: noise, negativity, and clutter.
To trust my gut: meant calling Peter Pan* this morning to apologize.  I don’t typically struggle with apologizing… mostly.  This particular instance wasn’t bad either.  I knew I was wrong for yelling at him and getting caught up, regardless.  What I found most interesting however, was the following ripples.  I apologized, wished him a great day, moved on.
Maybe 10 minutes later… call from Peter Pan.  Inward groan: didn’t feel like picking up: maybe he interpreted the apology call as an invitation for friendship and lots more calls.
My reaction to my reaction: this is the natural consequence of acting out of line with natural laws.  If I didn’t want to keep talking to Javier all day, I should remain pleasant at home and at the office so we can both move on amicably.
Lesson learned (execution still in practice).
*names are aliases to um, protect? the … guilty innocent. 🙂  
more seriously, I decided not to use real names because this is my jourg (journal/blog), not their choosing.
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